


I'm Alright In Bed But I'm Better With A Pen

by serenehowell



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Teachers, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Mentions of Sex, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-21
Updated: 2016-02-21
Packaged: 2018-05-22 09:44:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,403
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6074536
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/serenehowell/pseuds/serenehowell
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>With a job as a teacher, Dan Howell is used to the mundane. His days suddenly become a lot more interesting with the addition of mysterious post-it notes on his desk every morning with…absolutely terrible pick up lines on them.</p><p>Title from 'Fame (less than) Infamy' by Fall Out Boy</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm Alright In Bed But I'm Better With A Pen

**Author's Note:**

> [Read on tumblr](http://serenehowell.tumblr.com/post/139741836220/im-alright-in-bed-but-im-better-with-a-pen)

_Is there a science room nearby, or am I just sensing the chemistry between us?_

The first note lands on Dan Howell's desk on an average Tuesday morning. He doesn't think anything of it and dismisses it as a joke from one of his students. After teaching for only a few months at the school, he has been fully expecting some sort of gag to be played on him from the stories the other teachers have told him. As far as he can tell, everything seems to be perfectly innocent, for now.

_I’m learning about important dates in history, want to be one of them?_

Dan is hardly surprised to see another note appear on his desk the next morning. He chuckles softly at the lameness of the line and gently places the note in a drawer.

By the following Thursday, Dan had amassed an impressive total of eight cringe-worthy, school related pick up lines written on green post-it notes. During lunchtime, he approaches fellow English teacher Mr Lester about the situation in the staff room.

"I think it's fucking hilarious, a student has obviously gone to all the effort writing out all of these shitty pick up lines, it's certainly a more entertaining start to my day," Dan said, biting into his sandwich.

"Yeah, its really hilarious Dan…" Mr Lester muttered meekly, in his soft Northern accent. "I've got some marking and…stuff to do, see you around I guess."

"See you too Phil," Dan replied, turning his attention back to his rather bland sandwich.

The next note takes quite a risqué turn, causing Dan's cheeks to visibly blush as he hastily shoves it into his drawer.

_You cant spell 'subtext' without 'butt sex'_

It's no lie that Dan is attracted to both men and women, but is shocked by the fact that someone at the school has worked it out, especially as he has not told a soul. Now Dan was getting ahead of himself. There was no way these notes actually meant anything, they were just a silly way to wind him up. Right?

The next Monday, he decides to 'casually' mention the notes to his Year 10 tutor group during registration. He wouldn't put it past those cheeky buggers to be behind something like this. His students are busy chatting away after he had taken the register, when he asks,

"Over the past couple of weeks, I have been receiving a number of borderline…inappropriate messages, would any of you know anything about this?" Dan tries to say serious and professional, but struggles to keep his cool as he realises the amused looks on his student's faces.

"What makes these messages so inappropriate Sir?" Jack, who Dan himself would describe as a bit of a prick if he were honest, pipes up "Care to share with us?" The whole class erupt into laughter

Dan can slowly feel his face turning redder and redder "I hardly think that is …any of your business," he stutters while glancing at the clock,"Well it's almost time for lesson 1, you are dismissed." Snickers are audible from the students as they leave the classroom; Dan gently slams his head on his desk and groans in frustration. If someone was intending on getting on his nerves, they were doing a fine job of it. He hears a gentle knock on his door and slowly raises his head to see who was standing there.

"Hey, Phil…" Dan starts before he is interrupted by the other teacher.

"I was just seeing if you had any extra copies of _Great Expectations_ but I don't think you do and I think your next class is about to start and so is mine so I better go bye Dan!" Phil rambles, before rushing to his classroom down the corridor before Dan can reply. Dan can only stare at the door, bemused by the whole encounter.

"He's so fucking weird," Dan mutters fondly to himself, before welcoming in his Year 7 class.

Now Dan wouldn't say he _fancied_ Phil, but he could hardly deny that his co-worker was aesthetically pleasing. The way his ebony black hair was always flawlessly swiped to the side and perfectly straight; a look Dan could not naturally achieve. The way you could spot his piercing azure eyes, framed by his glasses which somehow seemed to make him more attractive, from the opposite side of the classroom. The way his butt looks in those just tight enough trousers and… Ok, maybe Dan had a teeny tiny _crush_ on Phil.

The next few weeks passed without any new post-it notes, which Dan was mostly relived about, even though a small part of him missed them. Dan is quite taken aback, two full weeks since the notes have stopped, when he saw a small, luminous green square of paper. He sighs to himself, with a small smirk starting to creep on his face as he reaches over to read the note. To his surprise, he is not faced with the regular pick up line, but a song lyric and a few other words in the same neat handwriting.

_"Northern Downpour sends it's love."  
You're a pretty smart guy Dan, come find me when you have worked it out x_

First of all, Dan is impressed by this person's appreciation for Pretty.Odd. Second of all,

 _What the actual fuck._

What relevance does a line from a Panic song have? Northern? Downpour? He doesn't understand how that line could be a clue to discovering this mysterious person with a love for shitty pick up lines. He shoves the note deep into his pocket to prepare to teach his Year 9 class.

Later at home that night, he re-reads the post-it for about the 50th time. As well as that, he listens to the song about five times on repeat to see if he could find some secret meaning. Dan just about gives up at 2am trying to crack the code when he realises he needs to be up for work in four hours.

And then it clicks

The cogs turn in Dan's head. _Shit_. He's finally getting it, the words processing in his head. _Northern Downpour sends its love_. Being an English teacher, Dan is so used to looking at deeper messages behind words. Every once in a while, he needs to try looking at the more literal meanings. Dan falls asleep with a smile on his face, with an intention of the man he needs to seek out at school.

When the bell for the end of the school day rings at 3pm sharp, Dan heads straight out of the classroom door, a clear destination in his head. Nerves start to bubble in his stomach as he reaches the end of the English corridor. He holds his hand up to gently knock on the door of the classroom, but it is opened by Phil before he gets the chance to. Phil awkwardly motions for Dan to enter and points to a chair for him to sit down on.

Dan is the first one to break the increasingly overwhelming silence.

"So you like _Panic! At the Disco_ then?" Of all the fucking things Dan wants to say, he starts with that. He silently curses at himself.

Phil half smiles back at him, glad to see the tension starting to dissolve. "Yeah, I've been a fan for a few years now, even saw them live a while ago."

Dan nods, before asking another question."So what was behind all the horrific declarations of love then?"

Phil gulped quietly and shuffled sightly in his seat. Not making direct eye contact with Dan, he replies, "Well if you haven't guessed, I kinda…like you, and I just couldn't find the words to say it out loud." Phil inwardly cringes at how childish that sounded, that's something he hears all the time in the school corridors! 

A smile slowly rises on Dan's face, he couldn't help it, Phil was just being too adorable. "Well, I would have to say that…those feelings are…mutual." 

Phil's face erupted into a large grin and Dan couldn't stop himself from softly giggling at the sight before him.

"Would you maybe like to go out for coffee once I've finished marking?" Dan proposed.

"Sure, I'd love to!"

"But, no butt sex. I like to get to know the person before we make passionate love to each other."

**Author's Note:**

> Wow two fics in two days, not gonna stay like this lol, just taking advantage of my temporary motavation.
> 
> Fun fact- I finished writing this at 3am, tried to publish it but ao3 was being a bitch. I have three mock exams tomorrow and a fuck ton of revision to do today. Fun, fun, fun.
> 
> So if you liked this video you can like… jokes, you can find me on tumblr [@serenehowell](http://serenehowell.tumblr.com) and give me a follow if I'm worthy (please I'm a friendless bean).
> 
> (And this probs won't be the last fic with fob and p!atd references because I fucking love them. Go listen to Pretty.Odd. & Infinity On High, fucking great albums. And for some reason ao3 doesnt like me writing the song the title is from?? I think its something to do with the html so thats why I had to write it like that.)


End file.
